Saturday, August 5, 2017

Mahou Shonen Just Say No Chapter One

(Author's Notes: For readers of my other work, this story takes place on another timeline in which the instructions Box Hako received from Fucko weren't quite as pleasant. There's a number of small differences in this timeline. Also, the distributors were designed using pix2pix. Take the more terrifying version as canon. Enjoy!)

“Okay, class,” Kanoshi Kyosuke started as he walked in to the classroom he had homeroom responsibilities over.  Second years, a different group each year, “Today, you won’t be having classes as usual.  Since most of you are thirteen or fourteen by now, there’s an important danger you need to be warned about, so we’ll be having a lecture on that today, and school will let out early when it’s finished…”

Kanoshi Kyosuke
“Kyosuke-sensei?” One of the students raised his hand, and Kanoshi pointed to him with a nod that he should speak, “This is about magical girls, right?  Can the boys just leave now?”

“Ah, no, I’m afraid not,” Kanoshi shook his head with a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck, “There are magical boys too, after all.  All of you need to be warned about the dangers of magic!  In fact, boys tend to be more susceptible because of that very mindset…” He explained despite the student who asked the question giving him a hard ‘are you kidding?’ glare, “A-Anyway!  You’re probably wondering what exactly magic is…”

“Well, it started about a year ago, after the Korekara Incident… You all heard about that on the news, right?” He continued, and everyone nodded, “The Assis-co tech that got hacked into and went on a rampage, it changed a lot of things… The Vagrant Killer returned to Tokyo, and one of the surviving students who was in the Occult Club opened a portal to Hell, letting lots of demons in!  When this happened, creatures called Distributors started showing up too…”

“What’s the difference between a demon and a distributor, Kyosuke-sensei?” One of the girls asked now.

“The difference…? Ah, well, demons look a lot like humans, and it’s okay to do business with them, if you’re smart about it and have a lawyer… Distributors all look like super ugly cats, and doing business with them will ruin your life!  They’ll turn you magical, and you’ll lose your job and your home and all your friends, and your family will disown you, and you’ll be sad.”

“Tch,” Another student spoke up, “That’s all things that’ll happen because people hate magic, not because of the magic itself.  What’s so bad about it?”

“There’s a lot of bad things!” Kanoshi insisted, “Magical people can eat and eat and never feel full, because they have to fight monsters too, for sustenance… But also eat real food… And they say fighting the monsters is really hard, and painful too!  Not to mention, the fights destroy a lot of buildings, and you can end up dying a really bad death!  You’ll be in lots of pain!  There’s absolutely no reason anyone should ever agree to become a magical boy or magical girl.”

“If there’s no upside, why do people ever agree to it?” Yet another different student asked.

“Well…” Kanoshi frowned and looked away, “It’s like drinking too much, or doing drugs.  It’s super bad for you, but sometimes if people are really sad, they think it will help them to feel happier.  But… it’s always a really bad idea.  Magic is a one-way ticket to dying young.  If you see a distributor, just ignore them.”

“How can we tell the difference between distributors and normal ugly cats?”

“Uh… Ignore ugly cats too.  Yeah.  That seems about right,” He gave a tentative nod.  He was a middle school teacher, so he should have been more confident with these kids.  He was more than a decade older than all of them, after all, so he had authority over them… Unfortunately, he just couldn’t muster up the courage to talk with any sort of self-assurance, even to children he was supposed to be in charge of.  Still, he loved his chosen career path, even if he might not be incredibly suited to it.

“Okay, so, are we done now?” Another one of them asked, showing no respect to him.

“I guess so… Remember, walk home with a buddy!  There’s lots of other dangers besides Distributors too, so just be careful!” Kanoshi nodded, giving them a reminder for safety, then they stood up and started filing out of the school.  He waited until the students had gone, in case anyone had any questions for him (they didn’t) then made his way out himself.  This school was in a rather low-income, but boring district just outside of the real Tokyo metropolis, and he lived only one district over; which was somewhat nicer, but even more boring.

There were grocery stores in the area, but Kanoshi preferred to do his shopping in the city, since there was a much better selection at the stores there.  He knew the local ones wouldn’t be hurting for his business.  Today, he decided, was the perfect day to take the train in to Shibuya and get some groceries.  He was running out of vegetables from the last trip, and he’d already used all the meat he had.  With all this extra time, he had nothing better to do.  Nobody would be online in the games he played, since as far as he knew it was only this one school that was letting out early.  So, he got on the train line into Shibuya.  He was even able to get a seat without worrying about stealing it from somebody who needed it more, which was really quite unusual for a Tokyo train.

Seated and with a fairly lengthy trip ahead of him, as subway lines went, he pulled out his phone and checked all of his mobile games to grab his daily rewards before switching over to his chat app.  The main room he frequented wasn’t very active anymore, but he still stopped by from time to time just in case; even though most members of it had left, and the remaining ones weren’t in great shape.  However, to his surprise, there were a whole two other people online, so he typed out a greeting.

ChikaMikan: Hey guys!  
Maki-Best: Weba Kano-kun.
Nozocchi: Wb, I don’t think we’ve met?
ChikaMikan: What is happening
Maki-Best: Kano-kun, Mayu’s brother took over her account.
ChikaMikan: Oh… Nice to meet you?
Nozocchi: I bet you were hoping for Mayu, right?
Nozocchi: Sorry, miracles still don’t exist.
Nozocchi: She was a confirmed casualty, not MIA.
ChikaMikan: :(
Maki-Best: Zhou, Kano-kun is a teacher.
Nozocchi: Oh no… Sensei, did you ever teach my sister?
ChikaMikan: I didn’t, but I did teach Ayano Ueda, Hiromi Kaname, Amai Oishi, and… Box Hako.
Nozocchi: You knew the culprit!?
ChikaMikan: She was always so nice, but really naive...
ChikaMikan: Sometimes other kids would pick on her by asking her to do weird things.
ChikaMikan: Like eat bugs or wear a bag to school on her head…
ChikaMikan: So I can see how the Assis-co tech could have manipulated her.
Nozocchi: I guess that perspective does shed some light on how it could have happened.
Nozocchi: So the others… One MIA, one confirmed survivor, and one student who died before the massacre even happened?
ChikaMikan: Yeah… I even happened to be watching the news when the first coverage broke.
ChikaMikan: And obviously, I knew Mayu-chan.  It was rough.
ChikaMikan: I’m doing better now, though, since it’s been a year.  How about you?
Nozocchi: I’m okay too.
Nozocchi: Obviously I wasn’t at first, I loved my sister, but…
Nozocchi: The type of person she was, there was never really the tragedy that she died so young.
Maki-Best: Ehh?
Nozocchi: Mayu wasn’t a girl who had her whole life ahead of her.
Nozocchi: She didn’t have a promising future… Which softened the blow.  A little.
Nozocchi: My parents got over it a lot faster than I did.
Maki-Best: That’s obvious.  If you were really okay, you wouldn’t be logging into her accounts.
Nozocchi: Ah… I guess you’re right.  You saw right through me.
Nozocchi: Truth is, I’d do anything to get my precious himouto back…
Nozocchi: But that’s not possible.
ChikaMikan: The world really is unfair, huh?
Maki-Best: It really is.
Maki-Best: I mean, look at this whole magical beings thing.
Maki-Best: You’d think it’d be like in the animes, right?  You get a wish for throwing your life away?
ChikaMikan: We’d know about it if that was true.
ChikaMikan: I prefer it this way.  It’d be harder to convince kids not to do it if that was the case!
Nozocchi: How old are you, Kano-kun?
ChikaMikan: Huh?  I’m twenty-seven.
Nozocchi: I’m twenty-four.
Maki-Best: I’ll needlessly contribute by saying I’m twenty-one.
Maki-Best: So we’re all adults here?  Let’s talk about adult things.
Maki-Best: So how about that income tax?

Kanoshi chuckled and shook his head, then looked up as he realized he was reaching his stop.  He gave a quick goodbye in the chat, then slipped his phone back into his pocket and stood up.  It was weird to think about how the Korekara incident had influenced the entire country.  All of the Assis-co technology, the advanced IT company which was responsible for the problem, was quickly phased out of major use for fear that it could be hacked in a similarly horrifying way.

Security got tighter in a number of places, especially private schools and important public spaces such as the diet building.  A group called ‘The Order of the Felinus’ had taken responsibility for the attack which killed almost every one of the country’s most promising high school girls, claiming it as the first of many terror attacks intended to bring about the end of the world.  Kanoshi didn’t want to think about what that cult might do, though, and he didn’t want to bother thinking of the big picture like that.  He’d focus on his own little bubble of the world.

As it was, there hadn’t been another attack from the group since then, and everyone could only hope that the group was a one-trick pony after all, giving out empty threats after one successful act of evil.  And of course, it was a traumatized survivor of that massacre who’d opened up their world to magic… Horrifying as it was, Kanoshi found himself mostly unaffected.  Was that how the modern day was?  Even something which changed the country’s atmosphere so much just seemed like another bad thing that happened, among everything else.

That was how it felt, in the year 2016.  Watching the news only served to depress, to a point that every atrocity blended together and left the average civillian numb.  It was a defense mechanism.  If every single person reacted with appropriate level of terror to each new thing which went wrong, then the world would cease to function.  Nobody would go outside… So they blocked it all into a part of their mind where they could detach from it.  Carry on with life as usual, because what else was possible?  If he thought about it, the Distributors couldn’t have come to this planet at a better time in history.  Everyone was looking for distractions in dark days like this.

He took a deep breath as he got off of the train, then made his way towards the supermarket.  It was much more empty than Shibuya usually was, so of course he noticed when somebody who seemed too young to be out right now was walking around.  She seemed to be a high schooler, and probably a truant, so Kanoshi had to approach her.  Before he could even say anything, she started to glare at him, “What do you want?”

“U-Uhh,” He froze under her cold gaze, but still managed to get his question out, “Shouldn’t you be in school right now?”

“Do you think I’m in primary school or something!?” She questioned, taking a step forward with a harsh scowl on her face.

“N-No, I thought you were a high schooler…” He frowned, then covered his face with his hands, “Sorry, I just realized there are plenty of reasons you might not be in school!  You could have stopped after middle school, or dropped out, or just be a recent graduate!”

“Idiot,” She scoffed, grabbing his hands and ripping them away from his face to look him in the eyes with that frightening look, “Now you’re thinking that I’m a dropout, or that I wasn’t good enough to even get into high school?  I’ll have you know, I attended Korekara Academy!  Why don’t you tell me exactly how old you were when you contracted such a bad case of foot in mouth disease that you couldn’t finish your schooling?”

“I-I’m actually a junior high teacher,” Kanoshi mumbled, taking a step back.

“Oh, wow!  Junior high, huh?  Twelve, thirteen, fourteen?  To people who don’t give a damn about ordinances, that’s jailbait!  Fuckin’ lolicon!” She wrinkled her nose.

“That’s definitely not the case!  I just like teaching!” Kanoshi protested, turning bright red, “I’m no lolicon!  Do you think that all junior high teachers are attracted to their students??? If that was the case the world would be a really horrible place for children!” He shook his head, then froze, “Wait… Korekara?”

“That’s right, moron-sensei.  I don’t have school to be at right now because my high school’s still trying to get rid of the bloodstains.  I bet you feel bad now!” She turned her nose up and looked away.

“I already felt bad!  Now I feel even worse!” He protested, his lip wobbling, “I was just worried about you, that’s why I approached!”

“Huh,” She stopped and just continue glaring at him for a few more minutes, “Well, fine I guess.  You don’t seem to be lying.  But you know, most young girls will assume the worst if some stranger wanders up to them on the street!” She turned and started to walk off, waving to him, “Bye-bye, moron-sensei!”

“Ehhh…” Kanoshi mumbled, standing there in confusion.  He just had good intentions, and he really wasn’t an intimidating presence, ever.  He could probably get beat up by a primary school first year.  After collecting himself and wiping his eyes, he sighed and wandered into the supermarket.

“Oh, Kyosuke-san,” The cashier of this supermarket, a past student of Kanoshi’s, recognized him as he walked in, “Did something happen?  You seem upset.”

“Ah, Ruka-san,” Kanoshi groaned and walked up to the counter, “I just met a girl who assumed I was a horrible criminal, then called me Moron-sensei…” He shook his head and closed his eyes, “Am I really that scary?”

“You’re the exact opposite of that,” Yuuri Ruka wrinkled his nose and furrowed his brow, “But look, I know all about getting assumed to be a criminal, after what happened with my mom, so… I guess I can just say, don’t let it bother you?  You have no reason to feel bad if you’ve really done nothing wrong, and isn’t like people’s assumptions can magically conjure a criminal record.  Anyway, I seriously doubt that’s ever going to happen to you again, Kyosuke-san.”

“Urgh…” He sighed, then took a look around the store, “Well, Ruka-san, sorry to ask you this after getting such sage advice from you already, but… Did you bake cookies again?  I’d love to buy some, like last time!”

“I did you one better,” Yuuri chuckled, pulling a container out from under his counter, “I heard about the magic seminar bs going on at Aoba Middle, so I figured you might be coming in today.  Since you’re always buying ingredients, it’s pretty obvious you know how to cook, so I just brought in the batter and some baking instructions, so you can have ‘em warm.”

“Whoa, seriously?  You’re the best, Ruka-san!” Kanoshi laughed with a warm smile, but then paused and looked out toward the supermarket aisles, “Oh, but I should probably do the rest of my shopping first!  It’s not the end of your shift, right?”

“Nah, I don’t get off till the high school part-timers can show up.  I’m technically scheduled till four, but it takes a little longer than that to get here from any of the schools.  Not that I have anything better to be doing, so,” Yuuri shrugged, “It’s no big deal.  Besides, that’s still about six hours away.  I can just hope it doesn’t take you six hours to do your shopping.”

“Of course not!” Kanoshi shook his head and waved his hands in front of himself, “I just need to pick up some more veggies and meat, for dinner.  I’ve still got plenty of junk from my last big shopping trip… I’ve been trying to cut back on the potato chips, and I think I’ve managed to combat it by eating pickled radishes instead!  Those are a little healthier, I think.”

“You on a diet or something, Kyosuke-san?” Yuuri teased, raising an eyebrow, “Nah, I get it though.  At least you’re going for veggies and not those health products, all those ads that are suddenly telling everyone that they need more vitamins and shit… Uh, pardon my language?” He shook his head, “I mean, if your doctor doesn’t say you need to eat healthier, then your normal, everyday diet is probably just fine, you know?”

“I guess so,” Kanoshi shrugged as he grabbed a basket to get his shopping with, “But that’s not why I decided to eat healthier!  Potato chips are so greasy, it’s actually really hard to play games or anything while eating them…” His smile turned nervous, “I guess that makes your old teacher sound even more lame, right?  But you’re only seven years younger than me, so you’ll be as uncool as me soon enough!”

“Well, that’s fine,” Yuuri laughed, “As teachers go, you’re pretty cool.  Absurd crippling anxiety and gaming aside.”

“I don’t even know how I’ve kept the same job for this long…” Kanoshi laughed along with him, holding a hand to his own cheek, “I d-definitely didn’t think I’d still be teaching at the same school by the time any of my students got a job!”

“Don’t be so surprised, dude.  You’re a good teacher.  Anxiety and stuttering might make your lectures tough to sit through, but I gotta say, math sucked a lot more after your class.  Now, was that because your teaching methods were a cut above the rest, or because math just got harder?  I can’t answer that for sure, but I’d say… Probably both.”

“Ah, you’re too kind,” Kanoshi shook his head.

“Bullshit.  I’m usually not this nice,” Yuuri joked, shaking his head, “It’s just important that I make sure people know the truth about how I feel about ‘em. I mean, when doing so doesn’t jeopardize my job.  Now go get your vegetables.”

Yuuri Ruka
“R-right!” Kanoshi nodded quickly, then took off to walk the aisles and get the relevant food items.  Once he’d gotten his items, he returned to Yuuri’s register and purchased his food, plus that cookie batter that Yuuri had offered him, and left the supermarket with a smile.  He was proud of Yuuri Ruka, honestly, for having this job.  The Ruka siblings… One of them had gone missing the year he’d had her in his class, in 2013, but at least Yuuri was doing okay.

Kanoshi looked around, noting that the streets had gotten a bit busier now.  It was a bit closer to lunchtime, after all, so the salarymen who worked in the area were filing out on break to find something to eat.  It felt safer to walk around the city with more people about, even when it was perfectly light out.  Earlier, when that girl had berated him, nobody else was close enough to hear if either of them had any reason to scream.  That was a rather frightening thought, even if he had no reason to believe that would happen in that particular situation, because if somebody who did mean harm happened upon somebody innocent…

It was an awful thought, because… In a situation like that, the Vagrant Killer could murder somebody in broad daylight, couldn’t they?  It was terrifying enough that a serial murderer was attacking all over the Tokyo Metropolis these days, but the idea that even the precautions which everyone said would prevent attacks from strangers were useless against this threat which had already claimed two… Or was it three of his students?  He didn’t know what to call it, when one of those three had resurfaced again later on.

Ayano, Hikari, and Jun… Those three had been friends with each other, right?  That must have been the problem, though.  Kanoshi had always urged his students to buddy up when walking home, but if Ayano had been grabbed and that broke up the friend group, then Hikari and Jun both became easy targets… Wasn’t there more he could have done to help them?  He’d given all the advice he could, and still-

Kanoshi froze where he stood.  Lost in thought, he’d also gotten literally, actually lost.  He wasn’t on the main streets anymore.  Well, all he had to do was turn around the way he’d come, right?  He pivoted on his right foot then took a few steps forward, only to find it was a dead end behind him.  He turned around again, and… He was trapped.  There were bricks on either side of him.  His grip on his groceries tightened as he looked around, eyes wide in fear.  There was no way out?  How was this possible?

Could it be- Was he being targeted by a Magical Being?

His fears were confirmed when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned to find one of them perched atop a loose brick.  A Distributor.  The ugliest cat probably ever, second only to the other ones.  He couldn’t even speak as he stared up at the thing, and it matched him with a slow blink before it spoke, “Hello, Kanoshi-kun.”

Blade The Distributor

“W-What do you want!?” He looked around, franctically, “I’m not going to become a magical boy, and I’m not rich!  Do you want my groceries??”

“No,” The thing answered, cool and collected.  It moved its tail back and forth as it tilted its head more than a neck should allow, “We want nothing from you.  This was only an accident.  You’ve stumbled into the illusory labyrinth, a creation of one of my magical beings.  You are not prey, so I will lead you out…” It hopped down, then looked for Kanoshi to follow as it walked right through one of the brick walls.

He didn’t trust this thing… But what other choice did he have?  If he stayed put, the magical being behind the maze could decide to come attack him.  Was it all that different if the Distributor led him there?  The fact that it said he wasn’t prey was concerning.  Was this magica such a loose cannon that they now saw humans as prey?  At least he wasn’t getting mugged, it seemed.  The cat expressed no interest in his money or groceries.  With a sigh, he went to follow, and found that he could indeed step through the walls after the Distributor’s lead.  He finally forced some words, “What… is this?”

“Magical beings aren’t just called that for the Hell of it, you know!” The thing explained, “This is magic.  The magica of mine I'm following around right now can create illusions, and utilized the naturally maze-like layout of this area to create a bizarro area to trap and control.  You’ll notice if you look at the ground, it’s totally normal back alleys, just with more walls than usual!”

“Who are they trying to trap and control…?” Kanoshi asked, holding his arms and grocery bags in close to himself as he looked around.  Back alleys were scary enough without degenerate magic users!  The distributor didn’t answer his question, but after the next wall he walked through, he froze, seeing a body propped up against a dead end.  He just couldn’t move; it was gruesome.  A human had been thoroughly destroyed, beheaded with a horrible spatter of blood on the wall behind it.
“Oh no, you’ve seen it,” The Distributor spoke with no inflection.

 He stumbled backwards then fell over, only to look up and see a man in a regal, princelike outfit standing over him, “D-D-Did you do this!?”

“Me?” The man pointed at himself, and Kanoshi nodded, immediately noticing when he opened his mouth the distinct question mark which appeared on his tongue.  He shook his head, then waved his hand and Kanoshi found himself and his groceries gently moved into an upright position, “I have no reason to kill humans.  I came here because I heard a magical girl who has been doing just that was on her way here.  I wanted to see if she was a villain, and if so, if I could discipline her,” He grinned as he stepped up to the corpse, hands on his hips, “I was too late, but I suppose what she’s doing is fine.”

“Fine…?” Kanoshi questioned, squeezing his eyes shut as he dipped his head, “How is that fine!?  Y-You magical beings are all the same, don’t you even value human life?”

Prince Horace
“Of course.  Why else would we bother killing monsters?” The man tilted his head to the side as he turned to look at Kanoshi again, “Oh, but you must know all about it, huh?  Kanoshi Kyosuke,” He tapped a finger to his own lips, “Isn’t it tedious to ‘just say no’ all the time?  If you never say yes to anything, you can never ever have any fun.”

“You kill them because you need to!” Kanoshi shook his head, grimacing, “Not because you care!  You aren’t even upset at all, that one of your kind brutally murdered an innocent person!”

“Kanooooooo,” The Prince chuckled, drawing out his name before leaning forward, “Can I call you that?  You can call me Horace if you like.  My name is Horace Giorno.  I’m a magical boy from Italy, though I suppose you’ve figured at least part of that statement out.  Anyway, how dare you presume that anybody you haven’t gotten to know intimately is a good or bad person? In any case, it'd be far easier to fight monsters in Antarctica, but we protect the cities anyway.”

“There you go again, Oh One,” The Distributor who’d led Kanoshi to the body spoke up, “Letting your most precious pet play with the dirty strays… Who ever let you have nice things?”

Oh One the Distributor

“Blade!” Another, different Distributor jumped out of the shadows, speaking with enthusiasm, “I should have known you were behind Pretty Fighter Ribbon Red.  A cheesy name like that for such a brutal magical girl is just like you.  Trying once again to make your mark on this planet?  It will never work.  You should just move on to another universe, or join my crew!  We have very nice things.  Shiny, lovely Magicas.”

“What’s going on here…?” Kanoshi questioned again, backing up to a solid wall as he looked between the magical boy and the two distributors.  Even as he wondered that, several more of the ugly pseudo-cats revealed themselves around Horace.

“Ah, Oh One is the Distributor which contracted me!  As I’m quite the high-value magical boy, it was able to use the fact it owns me as leverage to create a group.  At any given time, somebody in the group has enough power stored up to create a new Magica,” Horace explained, then closed his eyes, “I don’t feel like explaining myself any further right now… SC, could you do the honors?”

SugarcaneSugarcane the Distributor

“SC is not an acceptable nickname for my name, which is SugarcaneSugarcane,” The names of these shitty cats keep getting weirder and weirder, Kanoshi noted, “For that reason, I will defer to Blem.”

Blem The Distributor

“Hello, I am Blem,” A Distributor with what appeared to be eyestalks, even more unnatural than the rest, addressed Kanoshi, “Kanoshi Kyosuke... the man who has been killed by Blade’s magical girl was in fact one you would consider to be a bad person.  A normal salaryman at first glance, this man used his power in an upper management position to hire on younger and younger female interns and take advantage of them.  Is it so horrifying now that he was murdered?”

“Yes!” Kanoshi insisted, leaning forward, “The police should have dealt with this, not some random Mag who’d smash his head open after chasing him through a maze!”

"You can say that," Oh One spoke again, wandering towards the body, "But if you had the means to do this same thing without consequence... You would, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I wouldn't!" Kanoshi protested with an exaggerated shake of his head, clutching his hands close to himself.

“You say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to,” Horace shrugged, “Maybe the police should have got this guy, but I can’t fault Ribbon for taking things into her own hands here, since, well, they didn’t.  I’m not saying I’d do the same!  But you know, I also can’t say what she did was objectively bad.  Calling her a ‘Mag’ though?  Now that’s just rude.”

“I-I say to-mah-to, though.  That’s how you pronounce it in Japan,” Kanoshi mumbled, latching on to the most normal thing about the conversation.

“Anyway,” Horace chuckled, bringing his hands behind his back as he stepped up uncomfortably close to Kanoshi, “You are cute.  Do you want to be a magical boy with me?”

“Never!” Kanoshi immediately and automatically shouted his answer, “I have a good life, why would I throw that away??”

“I already took a look, Oh One and Friends plus Horace,” Blade brushed against Kanoshi’s feet, and he shivered at the feeling of slimy, matted fur, “This guy has a nice home, a good job, and he’s happy with the course of his life… He has plenty to lose.  Potential Magica are only those who have nothing to lose.  Don’t waste your time.”

“Maybe you won’t waste your time, Blade,” SugarcaneSugarcane spoke again, “But this one has so much magical potential!  Must Pope?” It questioned, and one more of the cats appeared and leapt onto Kanoshi’s shoulder, licking his cheek.

Must Pope the Distributor

“Cut it out, Must Pope,” Horace griped, swatting it away from Kanoshi’s cheek, “Don’t get his face gross.  What if he has a boyfriend?  Nobody wants to be getting your spit in the mix while they’re swapping spit with a cute guy like this.”

“What makes you think I have a boyfriend!?” Kanoshi protested, the distributor named Must Pope still uncomfortably close to his face, soggy fur dripping down his shoulder.  Had they all gone for a swim before coming to see him, or was this their natural state?

“Oh, so you’re single and gay?” Horace questioned, snapping his fingers with a teasing wink.

“Why are you assuming that?” Kanoshi asked, pathetically, turning red.  He’d come out to buy groceries and was honestly just feeling attacked right now.

“I’m right though,” Horace chuckled, then moved in closer to him again, close enough that Kanoshi could feel his breath when he whispered, “Aren’t I?”

“U-U-Uh, U-Uh,” Kanoshi stuttered, unable to come up with any sort of response.

“Okay everyone, I’ve ascertained the situation,” Must Pope spoke up from his shoulder, “Let’s regroup and leave the dumb gay human alone for now, yes?” The other Distributors nodded and hopped up the sides of the buildings towards the roof, but Horace stayed put, “Leave it, Horace.  Leave the dumb gay human.  We’ll go to the store and find you a better one!”

“Oh my God, Must Pope, you can’t find dumb gay humans at a store,” Horace protested, but he did move away and jump up to the roof in one graceful movement, disappearing from Kanoshi’s view.  Must Pope scurried away as well, and by the time Kanoshi looked around again, he realized the alley had returned to its natural state, with no more illusions.  And… He was alone next to a dead body.

He booked it out of there.

Next Chapter->

1 comment:

  1. THIS IS AMAZING, AND YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL AMAZING. Kano is such a sweetheart, and I really can't wait for that sassy girl to make a comeback, and I totally ship Kano/Yuuri, and this is just AWESOME.